Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
