What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
