"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
