if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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