the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
