why didn't you poke me back
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
