well you can't waste a boner
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
