did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Do you remember whose house we're in?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
