Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
