the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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