but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize