Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
