Kiss
Puke
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
only you would photoshop your dick
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you had me at cake vodka
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
