How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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