My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
