3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize