you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
