how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
