Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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