i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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