So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
