yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
barbara walters just said penis...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
