she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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