just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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