I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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