I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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