She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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