I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
