I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
