You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There's always time for handjobs
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
