it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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