So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
