How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
