I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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