I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
