I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
