Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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