there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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