it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
