why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
