she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
