walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
