Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How naked do you want me to be?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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