every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
love makes seman taste better
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
