Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
