Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
