my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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