I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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