you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
