you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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