He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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