like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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