I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
