I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
