just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How external is "for external use only"?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
