is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize