Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
