Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize