singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
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