Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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