just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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