You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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