Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize