I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize