Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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