i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
bring money and cleavage
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
