Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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