she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
