the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
