the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
