I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize