He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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