can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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