Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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