I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
