in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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