The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
