your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
