If i come over, it means nothing
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
