The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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