help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
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