she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
