there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
