Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
