She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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