i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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