Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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