The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
