I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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