well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
