dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
