i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
