Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
