we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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