Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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