so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
