What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
