you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
