so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
