I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize