there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
