you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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