I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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