Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
