porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
