It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
