i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
