So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
