so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
